What's wrong with this picture?

(click to enlarge)

PS. NEVER go to a bridal expo, no matter how awesome the honeymoon giveaway grand prize is. I've been harassed by multiple daily emails and weekly phone calls from assholes like the above since January. Grrr!

Thanks, Job!

I've had a work blackberry for over three years now and have never really had a use for it, until today. Thank baby jeebus for the BB Tour upgrade, otherwise I might not have had a camera to capture this rare beauty:


Welcome to Park Avenue, baby.

In other using-my-new-blackberry-camera-news, these guys are still at it with the Mikes.



Believe me when I say there were even more over the weekend that I didn't get pictures of. This neighbor may be my new Albino Python, but in a good way!

Only watch this if you feel like crying.

Holy. Crap.

I came across this on my way to work the other day:

6 cases of Mike's assorted-ades!?!?

This can mean only one of two things- either we have an entire apartment building full of 13 year old girls OR Chris Hanson has set-up shop in the hood!

Let's hope for #2!!!

Oh, Facebook.

You're such an amusing little beast. Where else could I find this gem:

Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx: i swear to god, if this bitch doesn't process my food stamp application tomorrow i'm burning down her house.

Bragging about being on food stamps in your status update? Why not! But that wasn't the end of it. There were several comments left by others who were also waiting for their food stamps. How can all these people afford computers and the internet but not milk?

It should be noted that the author of the above is what some (doctors, dietitians, nutritionists, etc) would classify as obese. I would love to know how that happens when your monthly stipend of meal tickets is, at least in theory, provided to cover food for one person.

Then there are the facebook quizzes... Normally I hide them as soon as I see any phrase resembling "Which Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman Character Are You?" But, for some reason, I noticed the results that this particular chick had posted after taking the Dirty Dancing quiz.

She went to my high school but I never really knew her. She was one of those friend requests that I accepted because a core group of friends had also accepted her request. But even with my limited knowledge, her results could not have been more spot on. Who was her Dirty Dancing doppelganger? Penny Johnson.



Yep. One look at this girl's profile picture and you just *know* she's totally game for (and has probably experienced at least one) rusty wire hanger abortion in the back of some "doctors" van. So I guess those things can be accurate. Good work, facebook!

Things that bring me pleasure

The movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is certainly one of them. Free lunch is another.

(Click on the image to make it larger)

Being able to successfully reference Ace while ordering that free lunch = Best. Day. Ever.

Fuck you, Brooklyn

Fuck you at 1:00 am, with your organic and all natural deli foods.

Fuck your soy/non-dairy/vegetarian bullshit excuse for pizza.

Fuck you for having 32 varieties of tofu but not a single package of pepperoni.

Fuck you.

All I want is a goddamn thin, crispy, greasy, and delicious Jacks (or Tombstone).

In closing: fuck you, Brooklyn.